I did something drastic this past week. I had been reconnecting with an old friend, simply enough. Were there still feelings there? Maybe. But I didn't act on any of that. I tried to love him as a person, a deeply flawed person, but I could tell that his intentions were not that of a pure man. And it was difficult letting him go. I think that's what made it wonderful. I knew that I didn't want anything to come between Aaron and me. I didn't want him to ever not be able to trust me when my past comes to haunt me. I had to decide this for myself, so I kept it secret. I didn't mention it, a form of lying, I know. But doing this allowed me to know for myself and it was my choice. I decided that I didn't want anything to do with him. And of course it was difficult because I'm not perfect and my past is full of riddles and loose ends. But this one has been tied...or severed. I wish him the absolute best, and I hope that he finds his path to enlightenment. Maybe one day, in another life, our paths will cross again. But for now, it's my time and I hold the cards. I decide that it's enough for this lifetime. No ill feelings, no emptiness. I feel fulfilled in my decision, and am reminded of it everytime Aaron sneaks me a smile or brushes past me. The chills through my body let me know that I made the right decision. And I couldn't be happier.
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