This morning was my 3 month weigh in at the medical weight management place I go to. I was extremely happy (and terrifically surprised) to see that I was no longer over 200 pounds. It's been over a year since I've seen that on the scale. To date, I have lost 36 of the 100 pounds I want to lose by April 2011. As long as I continue to lose 7 pounds a month, I'll be there. It's exciting to know that it's an actual achievable goal. If you would have told me in March that I could lose almost 40 pounds and drop 3 dress sizes in 3 months and still eat well and not exercise as much as I should, I would have thought "Yeah, right. Maybe if I starve myself." But there has been no starving. I feel terrific and my clothes are fitting better. Aaron's lost 54 pounds in 3 months. I have to say that I'm jealous. I know men lose faster than women and all, but it's so crazy that he's lost so much more than me. I try to look on the bright side and think that together, we've lost 90 pounds in 3 months. That's a huge accomplishment. I can't wait for people to look at me and say "You have 2 kids under5!" I'm just waiting for it and smiling to myself.
I got in to work a couple hours late because of the weigh in and had to get started on my work pretty quickly. I'm almost caught up, so I'm not feeling that rushed, but I always like to be prepared for anything. It's a great day because the first message on my voice mail was a contact at social security letting me know that a client (and dear friend of mine) was finally approved for her disability. I cherish this woman although I've only known her for a month. She is strong, a hard worker, and a fighter for her life. Her family won't take care of her even though she's on continuous oxygen now, and the motel room she rents weekly is always getting "broken into" by a staff person. Her mail gets stolen and they have her in an upstairs apartment even though she has to carry tanks of oxygen with her and is all but 110 pounds. She's worked all of her life and now has to wait until November to receive her disability benefits. I gave her money once to pay for her weekly rent so they wouldn't kick her out. Her family wouldn't take her in and she was afraid of dying. Once, she glanced over with a faraway look in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm dying." I smiled and told her we were all dying, but she wasn't dead yet. I wrote her a letter detailing a daydream to take her across route 66 with no oxygen, and no pain until we got to the ocean. She told me later that she wanted to go to the ocean. I told her she should go. She said, "No, I want my ashes spread there." I told her that if she put it in her will, I would do that for her. I promised that I would and she said, "I know you would. You're my best friend, my only friend. You're an angel." It made me feel bittersweet because although I loved the compliment, no one should have to find someone's kindness as a rarity. We don't pay attention enough to those who need help. We walk past them, saying that it's not our problem. But I see this brave woman as a sister, an aunt, a mother and she is connected to me through the knowledge that she is a human just like me, and who's to say that when I'm older, the same thing won't happen to me. She didn't ask for end stage pulmonary disease, she just got it. And I believe that I'm here on this earth to make people understand that they are not meaningless, and they are not nothing, and they are just as important as the person next to them. I don't care if you've thought of a new invention, or if you've got a hit song, or if you wrote a life changing book. That is your purpose, and others that have not had that kind of achievement have served their purpose. They were something to someone at some time. And who are we to judge?
I'm listening to The Shins on repeat right now. Phantom Limb. It makes me happy. His voice soothes me. I'm trying to realize that I don't need to idolize musicians or actors. It's difficult, because they seem so vulnerable and powerful at the same time. They are iconic. But I have to realize that being around "everyday, normal" people is also amazing. There are a lot of people out there with the same opinions and dreams as those actors, only they have not gotten into the spotlight, and I've found that if you look hard and deep enough, you'll find yourself sharing a conversation with a person that you've dreamed about your whole life. I promise I'll listen to different music. I've already started: the sixty-one.
Until later..........
